When Miss C. took off on Friday, June 13 on a 20-day Student Ambassador trip to Europe, something strange happened.
I didn’t cry.
I thought I would. My mom thought I’d be a basket case and I’m pretty sure Jon prepared for an epic breakdown–and he’s seen quite a few, so I can imagine the dread he was experiencing.
Friends asked how we were doing in the days leading up to her departure.
My standard answer: She’s more than ready for this. I’m not.
The family prepared for more than a year for this trip. I’ve had many times where I wish I never opened the letter from the People to People program inviting her on this trip and showed it to my then 15-year-old daughter.
But, it was just a letter…until we were at an organizational meeting and I saw a light in my daughter’s eyes I had never seen before.
It was just a letter… until I called and made a substantial deposit on a 20-day, 7-country tour for the Summer of 2014.
Still the Summer of 2014 was more than a year away. So far away. Nothing to worry about.
Except time loves lulling us into a sense of complacency, allowing us to turn our backs as it runs away.
Flash forward to June 2014 and a week before Miss C. leaves. The family gets together with other student ambassadors who will travel with her, as well as the trip leaders and all the parents. A fun picnic. Except the skies turned grey and the wind got unseasonably cold.
Not great weather for a picnic, but I felt just like the weather. The reality of my choice to let my 16-year-old daughter travel to Europe made my stomach drop. How did I allow this to happen? This was no longer an abstract concept. She’d be leaving in less than a week. I plead temporary insanity, but there’s no turning back now.
I was sure I wouldn’t make it.
But, I said little because I didn’t want to look like a wuss or hysterical mother.
Confession: I think adding anti-anxiety medication to my routine a few weeks before may have helped me from walking up to the trip leader and canceling right there. Good foresight there on my part. Score one for me!
The entire family brought Miss C. to the Cincinnati airport to see her off. Her biggest issue? After she checked her luggage, she complained she didn’t have the lightest suitcase on the trip, a goal she set weeks before. I admit, I felt proud because it looks like I’ve passed on my family’s packing gene to the girl.
More importantly, she made me smile. I don’t think she planned to ease the tension. She just has a way of knowing what to say at the right time.
My sadness and fear didn’t totally disappear, but for the first time, I honestly knew.
She’s more than ready for this. I’m ready, too.
We gave our hugs and kisses and well wishes, then watched her head toward security with nearly 40 other students.
She didn’t look back.
Without tears, I stood in silence as I watched her, wondering how she could just go like that. I realized that all of this was our fault.
We’ve spent the past 16 years preparing her for this opportunity–to go out on her own and discover.
It’s kinda like when we taught her to walk. We held her hand for a long time or she grabbed on to the tables and chairs to move around. But, eventually, we had to let her step out on her own and see the world around her.
We’ve only heard from her a couple of times. I wish it was more, but I told her not to call every day. I do wish she’d post more pictures, but wifi availability is “sketchy” as Miss C. likes to say. She appeased me yesterday by sending a few shots. But, I’ll have to wait for the rest.
She’s having an amazing time and while I’ve missed her, I’m more eager for her to come home so she can share all of the amazing experiences and pictures she has from her adventure.
By letting her go–both literally and figuratively–I’m seeing the world in new ways–through her eyes.
I’ve only cried once since she’s been gone. On Father’s Day, she made a point to call Jon to tell him how much she loves him and to wish him a Happy Father’s Day. He teared up and, of course, so did I.
I can’t speak for Jon, but the tears weren’t just because I missed her. They were tears of joy and pride in seeing our eldest take her first major steps in the world.
She’s more than ready for this. And, so am I.
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