Crap.
My daughter keeps asking me if she can say “crap” to express herself. It’s a word that has been the center of debate between Miss C. and I for a while now. She wants to say it whenever she wants. I keep telling her no, even though it’s not technically swearing.
Part of me finds it hilarious she’s asking my permission to say it because, let’s get real, I KNOW she says it when she’s not around me.
“I’m not naive,” I told her last night after she came home all hyped up from the HS football game and asked again if she could use the word at home. “I know you say stuff to your friends you wouldn’t dream of saying to my face.”
Cue the smirk and quick look away from Miss. C.
“Oh, please. I did it when I was your age,” I said. “You’re probably saying a lot more than crap, right?”
Like she’s gonna answer that question.
“You say stuff a lot worse than that,” she argued. “You let us listen to things worse than that,” she argued.
Shit.
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Yes, I’m a hypocrite
She’s right and, to my credit, I told her so.
I tried for a long time to censor myself in front of the girls. It became pointless and almost an inside joke. I’m not a total potty mouth, but I know I let some bombs sail through the air when the mood strikes. The girls watch movies and tv shows and listen to music and comedians use far worse language than the “c word”. Usually, I’m in the immediate area when it comes to the tv and music. I’m not a prude and I know the girls hear those type of things. That doesn’t mean they have to talk like that all the time.
I thought for a moment before responding. I must have a good reason rattling somewhere around my brain.
“Once you start saying words like crap, it’s a slippery slope to other bad words,” I offered. ‘It’s a bad habit waiting to happen.”
She gives me a blank stare.
I transformed crap into some sort of gateway drug that could lead her down into a dark, soulless world.
I don’t think she bought it.
The argument may sound like a load of…well…crap…but I think there is a hint of truth in it. I remember when I first started using “sentence enhancers” (© Spongebob Squarepants). Once they start flying, it’s hard to pull them back in.
Miss C frowned. “Mom, I know when it’s appropriate to say things like that and when it isn’t. It’s not like I’m going to go around to adults or out in public and talk like that all the time.”
Adult words in an adult world
I came out in round 3 with fighting words of my own–the ace in my hand, in the hopes of ending the game.
“You are the big sister. If you start talking like that, then your little sister is going to think it’s OK. It will be confusing to her and it will make it hard for me because I will have to play language police. I’ve told you girls for a long time: adults have the privilege of choosing their words.”It’s one of the perks of being a grown up. Bottom line, I don’t want that hassle, ok?”
A dirty play, I know; but, I needed a definite knockout punch.
Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil
I made a confession to her. I said there are somethings moms don’t need to hear. I may know she has a different vocabulary in front of her friends. I know she’s respectful, has good judgement and will do the right thing. Hearing her use words like that is not something I want to hear right now.
I’m not sure if she agreed, but she didn’t continue to argue after that.
“This just isn’t a battle I want to fight at this point, OK?” I said, trying to wrap up the discussion in the hopes of going to bed soon.
Miss C nodded and smiled. “So, if you don’t want to fight that battle, why don’t you just let me say it?”
I returned her smile. “Because I don’t have to fight this battle, because I say it’s over. I win.”
She conceded defeat for the evening and told me she’ll just stick to saying “carp” around me and Jon. Funny girl.
Maybe I’m in a state of denial. I’m certain this is a do-as-I-say not-as I-do situation.
There are times that’s OK, though.
And if they don’t like it, tough crap.
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