When it comes to having tweens and teens, you never know when or where you’ll find a teachable moment.
I take them where I can get them, even if it isn’t the most…conventional way of getting my point across.
Here’s a lesson I keep trying to drill into the adolescent brains in my house:
It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve told them this. It just doesn’t stick around for the long haul. So, I get into broken record mode and the girls, inevitably, shut down.
Sound familiar?
Whether it’s their tone with each other when they talk or the fact that they often misspeak when trying to sound oh-so-mature, I remind them that words have meaning and they can change depending on how you say them.
Cue the blank stares or, even worse, the eye rolls. Don’t you love that? Uh huh, me too.
So, the other day, I’m in the car with the girls and they start getting chatty. I learn a lot about them on those short drives back and forth. I’m not sure how my minivan makes them more at ease and compels them to speak more freely. Maybe I’m less uptight in the car, although to hear me bark at the other drivers, you wouldn’t think so. I guess it doesn’t matter why it happens; I’m just glad they get loose lips.
Do you Smoke Pot?
Recently, the girls and I seem to be talking about drugs–a lot. Miss C., my 16DD, takes health class and she’s learning all sorts of helpful information. Apparently the discussions are so interesting they make their way home. Based on what she’s sharing with me, I’m not sure whether to be happy that she’s kicking ass in the class or to worry that she might be training to be a low-end dealer.
C: So, guess what we talked about today in health, Mom?
Me: I can only imagine.
C: We learned not to accept any brownies when we go to concerts. (she busts out laughing)
Me: (smirking): Oh, yeah?
My DD12, Miss E. is sitting next to big sister in the back seat, looking rather confused.
E: Brownies? Why can’t you eat brownies?
C: They aren’t regular brownies. Duh!
E: What’s wrong with them?
C: (glares at her, obviously exasperated with her innocence): They’re pot brownies! You know, marijuana?
Miss E. (lets that sink in for a second before turning to her big sister) Do you smoke pot?
I immediately discover how well my car brakes worked.
C: What?! What did you say? No! No, I don’t smoke pot!! Are you crazy?
Miss C’s reaction shocks Miss E.
E: What??! I just want to know if you smoke pot.
C: I can’t believe you just asked me that!
E: No! I mean, isn’t that how someone takes pot? By smoking it?
C: Of course it is!
E: You just said someone put it in brownies and I got all confused! So, you can eat it, too?
C: Yes, but most people just smoke it. Geez, E. be more clear with your questions, will ya?
E: I was clear! I wanted to know if you smoke pot! That’s what I asked.
By this point, I’m driving again and trying not to bust a gut from laughing so hard.
It was time to explain the importance of emphasis when speaking. Through laughter, I broke it down for her:
Me: Do you SMOKE pot? is much different than Do YOU smoke pot? Hear the difference? SEE? It really is not just what you say, but how you say it. I don’t tell you this stuff to hear myself talk, you know!
By this time, Miss C. is over being offended and is cracking up with me. Miss E. goes from slightly embarrassed, to relieved that her sister is not pissed off with her, to laughing hysterically along with us.
Unfortunately, once the girls find something funny, they cling on to it for dear life and wring out every possible drop of humor.
I think I’ve heard every enunciation and emphasis variation of : “Mom, do you smoke pot?” by now. It doesn’t matter if we’re at home, in the car or in public. Nice.
Lesson Learned. Lucky me.
My “GET REAL” Takeaway
Using humor to talk to teens about some serious stuff can make it easier–on everybody. Of course, it isn’t always easy to keep cool and maintain a sense of humor when subjects like drugs or sex comes up in a conversation with your teen. I’m not saying take everything lightly. But, if you can genuinely find a way to keep things on the lighter side during a serious talk, your teen will likely be willing to come back to hear more words of wisdom. Talking to your teen in a way they won’t tune out is the best way to keep the lines of communication open. And, that’s a big step in the right direction.
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